Edition #16 | How Your Responses Shape Your Relationship with Your Children
Years ago, I noticed something in the car that I couldn’t shake. When someone cut me off, a version of me showed up that I didn’t choose — a sharp tone, a tight grip on the wheel, a word or two I’d never use in polite company. When Ryan or Katie sat in the passenger seat, they didn’t say anything. They just watched — bracing, because they didn’t know which version of their father was about to show up.
That image stayed with me. And it taught me something I’d been ignoring for years: there’s a space between what happens to me and how I respond. That space isn’t empty. It’s full of choice. I call it owning the gap, and it’s the heart of everything I write about.
This week’s blog is where I lay out the whole idea — where it comes from, why most of us collapse through that space instead of using it, and what starts to change when you don’t.
If your kids are grown, I most want you to hear this: the gap didn't stop mattering when they left home. If anything, it matters more. The space between what happens and how you respond is still where the relationship gets built — in how you take a phone call that catches you off guard, how you react when one of them pushes back, whether you get defensive or stay curious when they tell you something hard. My kids are adults, and the gap remains.
So this week, when something doesn’t go as planned — a tense call, a disagreement, a flash of frustration — try pausing for one second and asking a single question: what will my response build between me and my kids right now?
Still learning this alongside you,
Scott
