The Power of Choice: A Guide for Dads Who Want to Lead with Intentionality
The Space That Changes Everything
Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, once wrote:
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Those words have shaped my philosophy as a man, a husband, a father, and a leader. They remind me daily that while I can’t control everything that happens around me, I can always control how I respond.
As dads, we live in a world filled with stimuli: a child who pushes our patience, the pressure of work deadlines, the pull of financial stress, and the subtle temptation of instant gratification. In those moments, it’s easy to believe we’re at the mercy of circumstances. But Frankl reminds us: there’s always a gap. And in that gap, we get to make a choice.
The problem is this: knowing we have the power to choose isn’t enough. Freedom without discipline quickly becomes chaos. Agency without responsibility becomes wasted potential. If we want to lead lives of purpose and leave a legacy we’re proud of, we must learn not just to choose, but to choose well.
That’s what this guide is about: reclaiming our agency, owning our responsibility, and building a filter that helps us make better choices consistently — even when life is messy, unclear, and hard.
Choice Is the Foundation of Freedom
We live in a culture that whispers comforting lies: “It’s not your fault. Someone else will fix it. Just wait.”
But the truth? No one is coming to save us.
Yes, we all face challenges. Some are inherited from our past. Some are thrust upon us by circumstances beyond our control. But in every case, we still hold the power to choose how we respond.
For years, I didn’t fully understand this. I often let old wounds, baggage, and emotions dictate my reactions. I was quick to anger. I made decisions on impulse. I let circumstances shape me instead of standing firm in who I wanted to be. And at times, my kids wondered which version of their dad would show up that day.
The turning point for me came when I realized something simple but profound: I play a role in every aspect of my life. The results I was living weren’t just happening to me. They were being shaped by my choices, both big and small.
Owning that truth is sobering because it leaves no one else to blame. But it’s also liberating — because if my choices have created where I am today, then my choices can also create a different tomorrow.
Why Choices Matter More Than We Think
Here’s what I’ve learned: choices compound.
Some are easy, no-brainer choices. Do I drive sober or drunk? Do I tuck my kids into bed or abandon them for a night out? Those aren’t complicated.
But life is filled with another category of choices — the ones that are subtle, uncomfortable, or unclear. These are the choices that truly shape us:
Do I choose the instant gratification of scrolling my phone, or the long-term fulfillment of connecting with my wife?
Do I choose the comfort of skipping the workout, or the growth that comes from showing up for my health?
Do I choose what’s easy now, or what will matter most later?
These are the choices that define us. And the reality is, without a framework to guide us, we often get them wrong. Why? Because in the heat of the moment, emotions cloud judgment. Fatigue dulls resolve. Impulses scream louder than values.
That’s why I believe that better choices begin with better questions. And better questions require a filter.
Why You Need a Decision Filter
Most men know, at least in theory, that they have the power to choose. But very few have a system for making those choices consistently and wisely.
Enter the decision filter, a tool that helps you run your choices through a set of guiding questions before you act.
Think of it this way: in business, no one would make major financial decisions without a framework. In fitness, you don’t just show up at the gym and make it up as you go; you follow a plan. Yet in our personal lives, too many of us improvise in the moments that matter most.
That’s a recipe for inconsistency. And inconsistency leads to regret.
A decision filter is not about perfection. It’s about alignment. Alignment with your values, your purpose, your mission, and the man you want to become. It gives you a process for slowing down, cutting through noise, and anchoring your choices in what matters most.
And here’s the truth: when you establish frameworks, processes, and systems in your life, you set yourself up to win consistently. That’s why this pillar of choice ties so closely to the pillar of consistency in the Keep Winning Dads’ Own the Gap framework.
My Decision Filter (Example)
Here’s the filter I use when I face difficult decisions — the kind where I’m tempted by comfort, distraction, or instant gratification, or when the answer isn’t apparent.
You’re welcome to use this as a template, but I encourage you to adapt it or create your own.
Scott’s Decision Filter:
What choice aligns with my lighthouse values?
What choice serves my purpose?
What choice serves my mission?
What season of life am I in right now, and what am I optimizing for?
If I choose wrong, is it reversible?
What are my non-negotiable daily disciplines and standards?
What are the second and third-order consequences of this decision?
Do I have a framework, process, or system I can run this choice through? If not, should I create one?
Have I sought guidance from my wife?
What advice would I give to my children if they came to me with this same decision?
Should I consult my personal board of advisors? (We should all have one as part of our connection pillar.)
Lastly, have I prayed to God for wisdom and guidance?
Running my decisions through this filter doesn’t always make the choice easy. But it does make the choice more straightforward.
For example, when I ask myself, “What advice would I give to my children if they were facing this?” the answer becomes obvious. Suddenly, the noise of ego or convenience falls away, and I’m reminded of the legacy I want to leave.
The power of the filter is not just in the answers, but in the act of asking better questions.
Responsibility, Legacy, and the Example We Set
Here’s the reality: our choices don’t stop with us.
Our children are watching. Our spouses feel the impact. Our communities are shaped by the men we decide to be.
Every day, whether we realize it or not, we’re modeling how to make choices. When we drift, our kids learn to drift. When we choose discipline, they see discipline. When we live in alignment with our values, they grow up believing that alignment is possible.
One of the most sobering questions in my filter is: “What advice would I give my children if they came to me with this decision?” Because here’s the truth — my kids will make their own choices one day. And the best gift I can give them is not lectures or rules, but the example of a life lived with intentionality.
That’s legacy. Not just what we leave behind, but what we live in front of them every day.
Step Into the Power of Choice
Here’s my challenge: don’t drift through your days. Don’t live on autopilot. Don’t wait for someone else to fix what you have the power to change.
Choice is the most powerful tool you’ve been given. In every situation, you have the agency to make a choice. You have the responsibility and the freedom to align your decisions with your values, purpose, and mission.
And when the choices are hard — because they will be — let a decision filter guide you. Build your own, or borrow mine. Test it this week by running one tough decision through it. See how it changes the outcome.
And remember: even with clarity and frameworks, sometimes the right choice requires humility and prayer. That’s not weakness, that’s wisdom.
At the end of the day, winning as a dad doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being intentional. And that begins with choice.
